Tag Archive: Amish Mafia Season 2

Discovery channel just needs to randomly throw out specials for me between the seasons.  At the end they showed what is to come in the next season but I’m not sure when that begins.  The theme of this episode was that Merlin is anti-Santa.  To save the Lancaster Amish from false prophets, he actually went to an Amish school to tell all the kids that Santa Claus is really Satan.  He gives you gifts to get you to follow him.  It was an amazing scene because some of the kids were crying.  One girl gave the best “Really? Whatever you say moron” look I’ve ever seen a kid do on TV.
Apparently there was a Christmas truce that they were not going to feud during the holidays.  Poor Esther, she wants her family to be together for Christmas like before her father died.  She went to pick up John and Freeman from wherever they are being exiled to.  John told her that he hopes she rots in hell.  That isn’t very godly.
On a better note, Levi gave Esther a live goat for Christmas.  She said if a guy gives you a goat that means he is serious about you.  Isn’t that crazy? It peed on the floor.  It gets better.  The goat is pregnant which means the guy is thinking about more than a relationship, he is thinking about your future. Esther said Amish women dream of getting a goat as a present but rarely do. She said it is the best gift she ever had.
Levi is making holiday money by selling “Amish Christmas trees”.  He finds out that someone is selling trees for cheaper in his territory so he and Alvin go take care of that operation.  I like how when Alvin went undercover and asked the man selling trees why they were so cheap.  The man said the Amish are not that bright so it’s easy to cheat them.  Oh little did he know.  Levi even goes as far as make Alvin dress like Santa and charge $20 for kids to take their picture with them.  I don’t get why parents do those Santa pictures.  Who knows what kind of perverts those fake Santa people are?  Jolin was also set out by Levi to hunt bears for meat as gifts for the Amish people.  I didn’t realize people ate bear meat.  Although Jolin keeps mentioning in his interview how he was the one that did the real work, he was happy to give the meat to people and see the look of gratitude on their faces.
Even though Amish don’t usually give gifts for Christmas, Wayne plans on getting a toy carved out of wood for his nephew.  Of course the guy asks him for a favor.  The guy had an English person order a custom table but didn’t pay for it.  Now Wayne is going to the customer’s house to collect.  It ended up costing the man the price of the table and truck tracks all over his lawn.
Oh geeze.  Merlin has a new sidekick named Mary.  Mary is a large Amish woman.  She is probably in the morbidly obese category.  How can you be Amish (working the fields and such) and be super overweight?  She is super crazy just like Merlin.  She said she has angered her community but she likes to be feared.  Mary is Swartzentruber Amish which is supposed to be very strict which is just want Merlin needs.  This woman seems to be violent as well.  She talked about cutting off parts of Levi, with a blunt knife, and feeding them to pigs.  See her in the video below.

Merlin is just going around messing with non-religious Christmas people (i.e. people dressed as Santa) and events.  He even crashed the Christmas party that Levi set up for Amish and English.  They calmly argued about Santa, Alan, and Esther’s kiss up to Levi at the expense of her family.  Calmly I’m sure because there are little kids in the room.  Discovery got a kid to say something to Levi about how when his father was crushed by a horse and Levi made everything better.  Blah.  Merlin called it a sign from God to leave.
If I remember correctly, last year the new season started in February or March.  So we may still have a few months until we get a steady stream of Amish Mafia.  It should be interesting because of all the news about Esther being beat up by her wannabe rapper English boyfriend.  Read some details by TMZ.


The 3 biggest news stories that came out of this are:


1)      There will be a season 3!  At least they showed a “sneak preview” of the next season.  Not that they said when it would be out or anything.

2)      No one has heard from Caleb.  So I guess they want us to think he is dead or near dead.  I think Caleb was told not to talk to Discovery Channel.  I’m sure they didn’t kill him.  Who would do that when there is video evidence of you luring the victim in a barn while carrying a baseball bat?

3)      Flip.  As in the newest Amish guy to join Levi’s gang.  He likes to throw what look like frat style parties.  I reserve judgment on him at the moment.


The special starts out with history of the Amish saying that the Lancaster settlement was established in the 1720s and 1730s with a German Christian separatist named Jakob Ammann.  It looks like with this last season the Amish Mafia heavies had some issues with the media.  First, Merlin and Levi said that they were being followed, photographed, and threatened.  What?!  Cameras were actually in the car with them at the time.  People need to be respectful to Levi.  I don’t care what they do to Merlin.  There was a funny part about this because you could really see the difference between Levi and Merlin here.  Levi said he was going to do something to take care of this guy real soon.  Super religious Merlin said he didn’t know if this was a test from God but he will pray and hope he protects him.  ABC’s Nightline did a story on them and Merlin thought that the tone was set to make Levi the good guy and him antagonistic.


Perception from that news report and social media still portray Amish Mafia as fake and staged.  Whatever.  It’s a reality show.  I like to think an Amish mafia could exist.  I mean every other culture in the world has crime and corruption so why not the Amish?  Have you seen the Borgia TV shows?  That is about a pope and his family (mostly his offspring, FYI priests shouldn’t have offspring) back in the 1460s.  But anyway back to Amish Mafia.  Discovery Channel let the cast say how they felt about how they were being portrayed.  Merlin thinks Levi is being glorified.  He said Levi is a tax cheat.  Levi said the cameras slow him down.  Esther said she was happy they didn’t make her look like a slut this time.


Then, they bring out questions from the “fans”.  Again with the “Are you really Amish questions”.  I’m tired of that myself.  There is a Fisher book and their names are in it meaning they were born Amish.  People are saying real Amish wouldn’t act the way they do.  The Amish Mafia cast members are trying to say there is no difference between them and English people.  They have all the same vices and thoughts.  Even when they talked about BUI (as in DUI but with a buggy) and said the horse can find its way home but they can’t read stop signs.    I find that really odd that a horse could do that.  Do they really know where to turn left or right?    Someone else said that Jolin (whom I call Joey) isn’t a real fighter and they could beat Joey up.  Joey said lots of people could beat him on a keyboard.  That’s right.  Why oh why do people doubt Joey?  Joey’s a fighta.


Esther vs. the World

Poor Esther said John going in and out of legal trouble isn’t helping her family.  She thinks she can take care of the problems and restore her family’s name.  Merlin said he can’t believe what Esther did and she thinks she wants to be in charge.  Levi thinks Esther needs him and Esther thinks Levi can’t resist her charms.  I don’t know what will become of Esther in the long run.  If only she would leave the Amish community.  She could be a politician or some position of power.


Wayne vs. Merlin

Merlin said he never lost his job to Wayne and that Wayne needs him more than he needs Wayne.  Wayne said Merlin is losing focus and that he is gaining control of the community.  Apparently, according to Wayne, Merlin was trying to “hook up” with Wayne’s girlfriend by taking her out to dinner while Wayne was working.  As an explanation, Merlin said he knew her all his life and that is crazy.  The thing is.  This girl isn’t even Amish.  Blasphemy.  Two weeks after Merlin broke up with his girlfriend (remember the one he was all about in a past episode saying she is perfect); she said Wayne started text messaging her to take her out on a date.  Does every Amish person under the age of 40 have a cell phone?  That’s what I want to know.  Wayne was asked about that and he just smiled.  I took that as I sure did do that.  They both said they will never work together again.  Maybe they can have a field fight.  I’d like to see it.  Pay-per-view Live from Amish Country.


Alan vs. Everyone

Of course they have a jail house phone interview with Alan.  Levi and Esther said they didn’t go to the police to get Alan arrested but Discovery said have “undercover video” of both of them going to the police station.  Snitches get stitches.  That’s what Alan said.  But didn’t he snitch on Levi too?  Joey had a good comment when asked about what he did with the chickens he stole from Alan.  He said that he is eating pretty well.


Amish Mafia Analyzed

I’m so glad they brought in a psychologist and psychiatrist to discuss things I already know the answers to.  What I didn’t know was the difference between the two.  I looked it up and they basically do the same things except a psychiatrist is an actual medical doctor.  Therefore, they can prescribe medicines and actual treatments for mental, emotional, or behavioral disorders.


The psychologist said when people intermarry with common ancestors; weaker genes can become more prevalent.  Duh! That’s the kind of question I want to ask the elders.  What are you doing to get more diversity?  The woman brings up bipolar disorders and then they go straight to Merlin and when he went away.  Does that mean Merlin is bipolar?  She was also asked about what the symptoms of a sociopath is.  As she is explaining they are showing clips of the cast members I guess inferring that they are all sociopaths.


The psychiatrist said that treatment by religious text won’t help people with severe mental problems. Duh!  Some of the cast members said the church sends people there to keep them controlled.  That makes sense really.  On a completely unrelated point, the next question was about cults.  Hmm, she said there may be a cult like environment with some of these people because they know they are doing wrong but they have a need to follow “the leader”.  Do they?  Is that the excuse for all people in gangs?  I’m sure Discovery added this in so it looks like they care about the people on the show.  It’s the same reason they have doctors on shows like Hoarders and Intervention.  We show you how horrible their lives are for your own entertainment but wait we are helping them as well so you can’t say we are exploiting them.  As a side note, I wonder what the ratio of children born that is normal versus ones with mental issues in the Amish community with all the similar genes.


Where’s Caleb?

Oh I love it.  The producers sat down with Caleb days before the “incident” and asked him what it means to him to have Levi’s trust.  He said it means a lot to him.  In that business you can’t trust many people because they tend to stab you in the back.  They asked him what would happen if people found out about him and the bishop’s daughter and he said the worst thing would be that he would lose his job working for Levi.  Lol see foreshadow.  Discovery tried to say they were not able to contact him since then and they are worried.  Are they?  File a missing persons report then.


Lebanon Levi

Levi said the church was upset that he didn’t have enough Amish people working for him so now he’s got another guy, Flip.  His real first name is Allen but I’m sure that was too confusing with the other Alan (The Black Amish) already on the show.


They are talking about all the people that are after Levi.

–          Esther said that Levi used to be humble and now with all this power and money he is going too far.

–          Joey was asked if he thought Levi looked at him differently now that he came back.  Joey responded with “if Levi doesn’t look at me differently, he should.”

–          Alan is threatening to get even with Levi when he gets out of jail.

–          Merlin has the armed Kentucky Amish ready to fight Levi for him.

Producers pose all this to Levi and do you know what Levi says?  “You think they’re gonna to shoot me?  No.”  LOL that’s why I like Levi.

I’m so sad that this is the end of this season already.  I don’t know how long it will take to find out when season 3 is going to be.  I assume they will do the same thing as last time (i.e. do a special to announce a new season in a few months). But can I just make a comment that I noticed?  It is the end of the series and again the black Amish guy goes to jail.  It’s getting to be like how Kenny used to get killed at the end of every South Park episode.

Well it is time for a meeting.  Levi is going to finally meet with the bishop to find out what the issues are.  I love how Levi is wearing his orange shirt and his cell phone has orange trim.  That is a bit too much even for me.  I do really like orange especially orange and black.  Levi has Alvin standing by with a buggy because Levi doesn’t want to offend the bishop by driving up in his car.  That is nice though.  Alvin said the only person he fears more than Levi is the bishop.  It makes me think of the Monty Python sketch with Terry Jones as the Bishop.

The Bishop’s house looks really nice.  How is that fair?  I guess when you are in charge you have to have nice things even when you are in the Amish community.  The Bishop asks Levi what he has to confess.  You know that is bad.  I love how the church can just come in and take you down.  Shunning seems to be the worst thing they can do to you.  If I was shunned I think that would be great.  I’d just leave and go into the English world and not worry about anyone back in the community.  The bishop said that Vanity is Levi’s problem.  Using his businesses and not giving back to the community.  Levi wants to know who told him these things because they are not true.  He won’t tell him but Levi knows it’s Alan.  So the bishop says the biggest problem Levi has is Caleb and if he handles him then he will “be right with God”.  Alvin said they have been there for hours.  So you know he probably talked him up and down.

Levi wants to meet his boys (Jolin and Alvin) in the middle of a corn field.  He tells them about how Alan has been talking to the bishop.  He didn’t mention Caleb though.  Later, Levi rolls by to see Caleb in his truck with the bishop’s daughter.  Uh oh.  Levi meets with the boys and says Caleb is screwing the bishop’s daughter and we need to put a stop to it.  Sounds like very bad news for frat boy Caleb.  Jolin (Joey) is always a good boy.  The producer asked if he thought Levi did what the bishop accused him of.  And Jolin said it’s none of my business or yours.  See Joey needs to start the Mennonite Mafia spinoff.  I’d like to see how they live differently than the Amish.

Something that really annoyed me was that Levi does fundraisers.  He did an appearance at a local library and hired bikers as security.  He’s doing autographs, hugging, and kissing people.  This is BS.  I live way out in Kansas so I don’t get to meet Levi.  Levi isn’t coming out here to do visits.  He said the Amish and English use the libraries.  But if you watched it, you may notice that the event was all English people buying t-shirts and bumper stickers about Lebanon Levi.  What do I get?

Some woman told Esther that everyone has seen the bible in front of Levi’s door.  Now that she got rid of her family to align with him, he is bringing her good name down if he gets shunned.  That’s not what Esther wanted.  Esther has to confront Levi about the bible on his door.  He said he is taking care of the problem and she said she will use gossip to take care of things.  She was at a sewing circle with 2 other girls.  She brought up how Alan was telling lies to the bishop about Levi.  One girl said Alan brings his English girl around and she is not dressed decently.  I wonder what an English person can wear around the Amish to be thought of as ok.  Can I wear my t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers?  Is that not acceptable?  I really should find a way to live with the Amish for a period of time just to see what it is like and blog about it.  I wonder if it would make me lose or gain weight.  They work hard but they eat a lot of food as well.

Merlin and Alan are still in Kentucky.  Unbelievable.  Alan, Merlin, and Paul are in a buggy on the way to the Kentucky settlement.  Paul says his people are not afraid of anyone.  Paul and Alan keep giving each other looks. You know they don’t trust each other.  Paul decides to show them his hut.  Alan thinks well I know about making money on huts be he looked in and said he wasn’t going in there.  Merlin said he was surprised but he wasn’t going to judge Paul because he needs his help.  Merlin went in and was looking really closely at the wall.  Cameras were not allowed in but it looked like there were magazine pictures up on the wall.  I’m not certain it is just my guess.  I can’t imagine what else it would be though.

Alan is not happy there and just wants to go home in part to see what is happening to Levi.  Merlin tried to give Alan a life lesson by telling a family story.  The moral of the story was that you don’t know the motives of people.  Then, they see the Kentucky people are loading up a van with pick axes and other weapons.  Merlin said that Kentucky mob is a holy army.  That is not good.  Merlin, Alan, and Paul join up to come after Levi.  The producer said to Levi what are you going to do?  They have weapons. Levi said do you think they are going to shoot me? I just laughed because you could see the smile on Levi’s face.  When I saw it I said out loud: They got tons of guns.  Joey probably has an arsenal at his hunting lodge.

Wayne finds out that an Amish family has moved into an English house with electricity and everything for the past year.  Wayne has to tell this guy no.  The guy said he is there because it is more comfortable for his family.  Really? You’re Amish bruv; you can’t live that way.  Wayne told him you can leave or stay and watch.  Wayne just trashed his place.  All of this is to show the bishop that he has his values.

Wayne is going to repo some animals from a guy that isn’t taking care of them.  They start talking about how some guys sexually abuse their animals, how wrong that is, and that is an automatic banishment from the community.  They talk about how animals are very important to the community from food to transportation.  Then they show a headline that says “Two Amish men charged with incest and bestiality” and they said it involved a cow and horse.  I found the article here from 2010. They keep talking about how bad this is.  I’m not sure if that is the issues of why Wayne is taking the animals.

As I was watching the introduction to them showing the Kentucky story, I realized the cows had tags on their ears.  The thought popped into my head that they probably buy these animals at auctions open to the public.  So in theory their animals have more genetic diversity they the Amish people do.  I say this because they only marry each other and they are probably all distantly (or not so distantly related).

Wayne has staged a coup to gain control over the Ohio Amish community.  He finally got his official blessing from the bishop (this isn’t the same one that is dealing with Levi) to collect for Amish Aid.  I wonder what will happen when Merlin gets back.  How many crime shows/movies do you need to see to know how this would end up?  A boss becomes obsessed with one issue, he takes his eyes off of everything else, and new guy comes in with new ideas and takes over.

Let me get this straight, Big Steve is driving a buggy tour to make money and Levi stops him on the side of the road to talk to him.  How do I get booked on this tour with a guaranteed sighting of Levi?  They are speaking in Dutch so the people don’t know what is being said but they know who they are.  After the tour is over, Big Steve is talking to the cameras and sees an Amish person in a buggy approaching.  He runs into the corn fields to hide until he’s gone because he’s not supposed to be working for Levi and he doesn’t want people to know.  Big Steve said he would do anything for Levi.

Big Steve is damaging the cars in the parking area Alan runs.  So these kids go on Rumspringa and they can afford to get cars? How do they get money for a car? Alan said Amish people don’t have table manners.  The cameras show Big Steve eating a whole little chicken with the stuff all in his face.  Joey said Big Steve eats like a farm animal.  I couldn’t even watch it.  Jesus doesn’t eat like that.

As said earlier, Alan goes back to jail.  I did feel bad for him while he was in Kentucky.  All I was thinking was:  he’s from Pennsylvania and he’s black.  Runaway Alan! Alan gets a summons to go to court.  He said he knows Levi is behind it.  We see the English woman he’s got.  Well her face is blurred so not really.  He gets 3 months in jail and 23 months of supervision. Merlin gets interviewed outside the court house to talk about Alan and say that Levi is the real problem.  Alan is complaining that Levi is the bigger criminal than him but if he ever saw a mob movie, he would know that the top guy never gets caught until everyone else does.

Caleb was a pretty important factor this week.  Throughout the episode he was out gallivanting with the bishop’s daughter.  He was saying if they get caught it could be a problem for both of them.  If that is true, then why take her all around town in your truck?  Didn’t they do a whole segment on how gossip works in the Amish community?  Caleb didn’t think that will apply to him?  He’s annoying anyway.  Levi did send him to do some work this week.  Caleb is sent to repo a tractor that has been on loan for months.  Caleb said he has been hotwiring tractors and cars since he was 13.  So they cut to Steven Breit (Criminal Defense Attorney, Lancaster PA) talking about his police record bring up the bullet holes in his truck again.  The guy caught him taking the tractor.  He pushed Caleb and Caleb decked him.

Towards the end of the episode, Caleb goes to Levi’s office.  He thinks they are happy because of the job he did on the tractor.  Levi said we are going for a ride.  If Caleb was smart he would know that was a clue that things are bad.  I’m sure every mob movie has that type of line in it.   Caleb, Joey, Alvin, and Levi get into the car.  Caleb goes towards the driver seat and Joey said I’ll drive.  They don’t say where they are going.  They pull up to some barn I guess.  Caleb, Alvin, and Joey get out of the car and towards the structure.  Joey goes in there with a baseball bat of course because he is the enforcer.  You know how you know he is the enforcer?  Joey has the shades down and holding the bat slightly behind him to sort of hide it from Caleb.  He’s a professional.  Levi stays in the car and says Caleb had potential and he didn’t want it to be like this.  This is how they end it.  Now we have to wonder what happened to Caleb.  I hope they really beat him up bad because I just don’t like him.

Poor Esther, she has to drop her entire family for standing in the community.  When Esther tells Levi that John is upset over Freeman being sent away, Levi says John needs to go too.  How is that fair? Esther brought Levi a homemade pie.  Continuing with the cooking theme, how ruthless is Esther to cook a nice meal for John before Alvin, Jolin, and Caleb come in and tell him he is going to be sent back to his family in North Dakota?  I don’t like how all the food is just on the table.  Is there not a counter?  I don’t want my dinner and dessert on the table at the same time.  John looks pissed and Esther just sits there nervous.  John challenging Joey (Jolin)? Yeah right John.  We all know how tough Joey is.  He’s a Fighta!  After all is done, Esther goes to see Levi sans pie.  She just said in the car on the way over to Levi’s house that she is the last Schumucker in Paradise (meaning the town/city of Paradise, PA).  Why is she in a car that she is not driving? They get drivers now?  Of course she is not alright Levi.  You stole away her family.

So Esther, the real story teller in this show, said one thing the bishops see as a huge problem is the women gossiping?!  I’m sure that is the least of their problems when 2 Amish mafia members say they have been sexually abused by Amish men.  That is probably a bigger problem.  Amish church is 4 hours long and men and women sit on opposite sides.  Esther said it is like sitting in between 2 girls that smell like they just crawled out of a pile of manure.  Isn’t that bad?  Shouldn’t you wash and be clean when you are going to church?  Even though they just have them in someone’s house doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be clean.

Merlin is still in South Dakota and I love how he thinks he can go around making his own ordnungs whenever he likes.  Ordnung, according to Wikipedia, means order, discipline, rule, arrangement, organization, or system in German. Production did a good job making Merlin’s rantings about how the Amish need to return to their humble beginning like a Hitler type speech.  So apparently there is an Amish Ordnung, in an Ohio group, that says they can only bathe once a week because doing so more than that could promote impure thoughts and actions.  That makes sense to me.

Merlin meets up with the Kentucky Amish.  Wow the southern Amish group is more conservative surprise surprise.  Merlin is trying to get an invite to meet Paul, the mob leader of Kentucky Amish.  Now he wants to take Alan with him (you know he’s black right?).  The Kentucky Amish looks just like backwoods would be.  Merlin said washing feet is a church thing.  Paul wants Merlin to wash his feet to show he is humble and then they can work together to punish Levi.  I can’t believe it takes so many people to take down Lebanon Levi.  Alan is beside himself about this.  Alan said these guys are so disgusting and he can’t believe Merlin lowered his standards to do this.  He said if Jesus came to Kentucky he would think twice before washing Paul’s feet.  I agree.  How old is Jesus nowadays?  Hasn’t he earned the right not to have to wash any more feet?

I must say I don’t usually like Alan.  There is something too slick about him.  But him having to go to Kentucky was just too much.  As most people in America knows, the further south you go the less they like African Americans.  Even though the amount of African Americans increase as you go southeast.  It’s an amazing thing.  Some other time I should do a post about my theories on that.  Maybe tomorrow.  Anyway, Alan looks weird in a buggy.  He is going to the bishop to tell on Caleb who is “seeing” the bishop’s daughter.  That is a huge problem remember because Caleb, besides being sleazy, is Brethren and that not Amish (see previous posts).  The bishop is obviously shocked and wants to know y Levi didn’t tell him.  The bishop wants to see Levi today but of course Alan isn’t going to say anything to Levi.  Alan said Levi thought it was just a chicken coop that Levi had destroyed but “it’s a fuckin’ blood bath”.  Perfect.

Alan knows that if something happens to Levi that people will look at him.  So that makes him nervous.  Probably not as nervous as going to backwoods Kentucky.  Paul said they are very strict and no one is allowed to have/use cell phones.  Alan said he needs his cell phone.  Who is calling Alan?  These people look so dirty.  It’s like they never wash their clothes and they are just sitting in the dirt.  Has anyone noticed how many Amish groups are willing to be on TV now all over the country?  Paul is trying to say that they are strict and real Amish but they are ok with being on TV?

Wayne gets into a fight with one of his workers.  It was amazing.  It is like a duel.  Field fights.  In a ring of hay and people are taking bets.  Wayne won and he said now he is my bitch and he will always be my bitch.  He told him to go home to his mother.  (That’s what the Bride said in Kill Bill to the last Crazy 88 member she fought because he was just a kid.)  I included the video below in case you forgot that fight (the part I’m talking about starts at 6:25).

Wayne is going to throw Merlin under the bus.  He is telling church people that Merlin ran off with the Amish Aid leaving them all broke.  Wayne promised to get it back for them to earn their trust for him to basically take over from Merlin.  It is very clever.  I don’t know what will happen when Merlin gets back.

I wonder if there are a lot of little people in the Amish communities and how they feel about it.  Since they are so religious, I wonder if it is seen as a punishment from God or something.

Merlin is going to be painted just like the “Amish Madoff” Monroe Beachy. He stole around $17 million dollars from Amish people in 29 states.  He is 71 yr. old and got 6.5 yrs. in prison.  I didn’t hear about this.

Joey’s got a gun range set up as his “office” where the people of Paradise can come see him. Levi and Alvin go to visit Jolin to tell him about the problems Levi is having with the church and that they are not doing well financially.  So he asks Jolin to put together a hut party to earn some extra money. No one comes to the hut party.  Just one guy is playing an arcade game and asking where the girls are.  Joey is concerned that the people who don’t follow the rules are not even at the party meaning the church has a real problem with Levi.

The church is telling people not pay Levi.  That is not good.  Alvin tears up the candy shop of the guy that was refusing to pay.  Whoa, the church is taking all Lev’s stuff.  It’s going to be auctioned off.  Wait what?  The auctions are open to the public i.e. I can go there and buy Levi’s stuff.  They are selling his guns, clothes, and his horse shoes.  That is a range of merchandise.  Joey is looking for Levi.  Joey goes to the house to see that it is empty.  What happened to that woman cleaning up for him last week? Does she not live there? Was she just some random skank?  Joey calls to tell him, yo boy the stuff in your house been jacked lol.  That’s not what he said but that’s what he meant.  Levi gets to the auction and has a stare down with the bishop and left.  There is nothing you can do to stop the auction.

Levi finally gets home and there is a bible outside his door.  They said that this is done right before people get shunned and a bible verse is highlighted to explain to the recipient why they are in trouble with the church.  What bible verse was chosen for Levi?

Matthew 16:26

“For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

How perfect.  I wonder if they have an index of bible verses and the sins they represent.

Season finale next week?  What the hell?  It just started.

Looks like I had my episode numbers mixed up before but we are back on track now.  I had to check the Discovery website.  And FYI this commentary is in my own personal order, not necessarily the order shown on the show.

I love the beginning of this where they have a slow-mo of Alvin walking away from a buggy he just blew up.  He’s like a real hardcore gangster.  For my birthday next year, I want to blow up a buggy and do a slow-mo walk away.  At one point, Alvin was told to stop an English man from selling fake Amish quilts so he puts hog urine on them.  How do you get animal urine in a jug?  I don’t live on a farm so I don’t know.  I do know people who have lived on a farm so I’ll have to ask.  Another task for Alvin: Track down the Amish man peeping in English women’s windows.  Now, this is the one crime I never understand.  I could see if you put a hidden camera in someone’s house to “peep” at them but the real question is why are you (the women) getting undressed with the curtains/blinds open?  What do you expect people to do?

Levi’s vain.  That’s what they say.  I hope people watch this and see how religious beliefs are used to control people.  The Church told them not to pay Levi and they won’t because they could be shunned.  This signals impending doom for Levi from the Church.  As a side note, who is that woman cleaning Levi’s house in the background? Mother? Sister? Random woman?  Oh no another guy gunning for Levi?  I don’t know if I can take it.  That is what they leave me with at the end of the episode.  The world is just not looking good for Levi right now.

But some good news, the issues with Freeman have come to an end for now.  Spreading rumors about Freeman was genius.  Let the fear do the work for you.  Poor Esther has to clean up what Jolin put on her house (devil drawings lol).  Levi is so proud of himself that Esther may “have no choice but to run to him” after Freeman and John are gone.  And boy did she run to him, right in his face.  All the curse words she said is just great entertainment.  That is why I am on Team Esther.  Freeman is taken away in a white van.   Esther is crying but I don’t think she is that upset.  I know that if she could be in charge of things she would have gotten rid of her brothers long ago because they are weak.  She just needs a guy she can control or manipulate.  John freaks out that “Levi” put Freeman away.  He is looking for his gun.  Why does John look like the drugged out family member that is always in a rage?  Where is the rest of the family when dealing with Freeman?  Why is it all put on Esther to control?

Is anyone else confused why Jolin has a beard when I’m guessing he is not married? Unless Mennonites don’t have that same rule.  I wonder if every Amish man gets married.  Who is going to marry Alvin and John when they don’t really work for themselves or have any real standing in the community.  I’m sure some skanky Amish girl will marry Caleb.  He is so annoying that I hate to mention him.  He is like a frat boy or something.

So what circumstances occurred with Merlin that he needed to seek treatment?  I hate when people say that.  Was there an Amish intervention?  Rosa, Merlin’s sister, was shunned?  I’m going to start shunning people.  Just random people I don’t like.  I’m going to find the German word for shun and just say that to people.  I didn’t know there were Amish people in South Dakota.  I went to a Mennonite run restaurant in Kansas, maybe the Amish are everywhere.

Merlin goes to a “Healing Center” so I assume they don’t have to pay for this.  Why is ok for Merlin to smoke?  Isn’t that bad in some way?  I would think any type of stimulant would be forbidden.  I’m pretty sure that is what the Mormons do.  Now, what is the need to have “The Water Cleanse” for Merlin?  If he fully cleansed himself there wouldn’t be anything left.  Eww, he’s grossly thin.  Please put your Amish clothes back on.  Maybe he needs extra cleansing because his boy Wayne threw animal waste at him.  How does Merlin respond?  By jumping on Wayne’s buggy, that’s how.  Priceless.  Wayne is fed up with Merlin and wants to start his own group.  How many families does a good mafia organization have?  Oh no, a tree poisoning. I love Amish Mafia because they do these old fashioned ways to sabotage someone.

Alan is just super shady.  Of course he has done “special favors” for a bishop.  He has no problem telling on Levi to the bishop.  My big question is why do they care so much about Caleb (Brethren) and not Jolin (Mennonite)?  The bishop wants Caleb watched because he is an outsider.  I suppose in the eyes of the Amish Church, Brethren are less than or equal to Mennonite but definitely less than Amish (see below for equation form for clarification).

Brethren ≤Mennonite ≪Amish

After all the yelling from Esther, Levi asks her to go with him to the Ascension Day celebration.  Read some about Ascension Day on Wikipedia. Esther says yes of course because she still knows how to work the system to her advantage.  All she needs is to look respectable by being by Levi’s side to do what she wants and live the life she wants.  I’m sure she can control Levi.  Levi is just like a politician going out on holiday events shaking hands.  Pig races on a religious holiday that seems strange and a tug of war between Caleb and Jolin.  You know Jolin won because Joey is a fighta.  That’s right I called Jolin, Joey.

Right away I get to see episode 2. At the moment, no cable in order to save some money so watching these takes some extra work. But, how could I let myself miss Amish Mafia?

Jolin gets his own territory, Paradise, from Levi to run which means he gets to collect the protection money for the Amish Aid Fund. Jolin says that the Amish there are weird and Levi warned him that rumor has it that the Devil is in town. That doesn’t sound very friendly. This poor woman who runs a restaurant in Paradise goes to Levi for help. She said a strange man comes in and just stares at people. He is scaring away the customers and she wants Levi to get rid of him. Of course this is now a Jolin problem. When he gets to the diner who does he see? It’s Freeman staring off into space. Jolin tells him to quit going there and that he is not scared of him. Freeman just stares at him while Jolin is talking. I can see Freeman trying not to smile though. And he slightly nods his head. I think that means it’s on. Soon more and more places are being vandalized. Yep, it’s Freeman causing trouble for Jolin. As if Jolin doesn’t have enough problems in Paradise. Guess what? Esther just happens to have a quilt shop there i.e. she owes them protection money. However, she refuses to pay it and especially to hand it over to Jolin. She said Levi should come ask for it. She never was asked to pay before so she calls Levi on her cellphone. Apparently she wants to talk to him about other things as well. Levi visits Esther. She is trying to be nice to him. I think she wants to marry him for the power and standing in the community. She said she wants to make things right. I don’t think so. Levi said he still wants her but an apology is not enough. That’s crazy. He should just marry her and we could have an Amish Mafia wedding.

As mentioned in the previous episode, people want Esther to get married. To continue this theme, an old female friend of the family / church elder came to see Esther. Esther needs to find a good Amish man so she can stay as a good person in the eyes of the community. Esther said women are judged by the reputation of their men. She assured the woman that she will do that. See, there is a plan but who is the one she is going to target? I feel bad for Esther having to deal with Freeman. John had recently picked him up from jail and I would laugh if we find out that Esther called the cops on him. She is not happy to have him around and is afraid his actions will come back on her and the family. In case you forgot, Freeman was shunned and banished from the community for pulling a knife on his parents, plus they think he is possessed by the demons.

Referring back to the last episode when I was hoodwinked into thinking Crazy Dave was selling drugs but it was really laundry detergent, this episode has real drug use. First being when a couple comes to Levi to say their daughter (I’m guessing) is hopped up on mushrooms and hallucinating. She said she thought she saw the devil. They told Levi someone is growing and selling these mushrooms to kids. He told them to give the girl some water and she should be fine. How does he know? I don’t do drugs so I don’t know if that makes sense or not. After finding the drugs on someone’s farm, Alvin eats a mushroom to show Levi he is loyal. They had to make sure it was a hallucinogenic one. The TV people made it look like a music video with Alvin talking to a tree and looking slightly weirder than he usually does. Next, Caleb and Alvin go back to the site and put baking soda on the mushrooms. Baking soda kills magic mushrooms. Remember that.

Looks like Merlin (Ohio Mafia boss) has the same type of problems as Levi (Lancaster Mafia boss). Someone goes to Merlin saying that a chiropractor (possibly untrained) mishandled him and made his back pain worse. Now he can’t work. Not wanting his people to be taken advantage of, Merlin sends Wayne to wreck the office as a message. Oh and jump to an Amish funeral who was a friend of Merlin’s. People are put in pine caskets that are transported in a long buggy. Isn’t that interesting? I never thought about Amish funerals. I love this concept of white death and black death. If you are a “doomed soul” you have to be buried in black. Tattoos, piercings, or the church doesn’t like you – black death. At the funeral, Wayne and Merlin leave and the cameras lose them. They hear them on the microphones and they run to find them. I like how they are trying to make it look like they are just watching from a distance. Wayne wants his money now from helping him become un-shunned. Merlin said he knew him since Wayne was a little kid. I assumed that Wayne was way older than Merlin. Maybe because Wayne is a little person, he looks old? I don’t know how that works.

Merlin wants Alan to do a hut party for him to make money. He gave him lots of money to make it way better than Levi’s parties. I love how Merlin is so bible focused but wants to have a party with drugs and such. We learned a new phrase from Esther today: Hut Sluts – girls that go around from hut to hut to sleep with Amish men. That is the best saying ever. I’m going to use that in everyday life. Jolin learns about the party and goes to see what is going on. Drugs, Nitrous Oxide, and girls (Amish & English) dancing on tables. Merlin says when you have $100 for admissions you know there are going to be whores there. Jolin tells Levi of the type of party going on. Jolin, a genius, puts skunk scent in the vents and the place clears out within 15 min. Repairman said they may need to replace all the air ducts to get rid of the smell. Alan said this will wipe him out financially and take out all the profits from the party.

Alan needs money so he is selling dandelion wine and selling bets on dice and card games. He is even running a parking garage for Amish kids who have cars and need to keep it somewhere. Turns out that Big Steve was beat up by “The Black Amishman”. He was hiding to protect his family and that is why Levi could not find him. On a completely related note, Alan helps with his father’s chicken business and we see how much he likes to do that (foreshadowing feeling here). To get back at Alan for the Big Steve beating, Alvin and Jolin steal the chickens and knock down the coop. Alan knows Levi did the damage and feels like Levi messed with his family so now it’s personal.

The Amish cast shows they are really Amish by saying they are in The Fisher Book. It is a listing of all the people in the Amish community and who they are related to. Do people really care if they are Amish or not? I’m kind of surprised it is typed up and not written by hand. I guess it is a good tool since they are so isolated and they need to know how closely related people are before they start marrying.

As I said before I watched the special and first 2 episodes at once so I will be an episode behind on these commentaries.

The Special

Just a recap show but I needed it because it feels like it has been so long since I’ve seen this. Oh, I like how they said people were punished and/or targeted for participating in the show. I was starting to wonder if the church elders were alright with this show. It seems like everyone got fatter since the last time I saw them especially Alan. I don’t know maybe it is just me thinking it.

Episode 1

Oh No! Drugs!? So my first question in this episode was why are they using credit cards to divide up the drugs? Amish people just have cards lying around? But later on we find out that it isn’t drugs they are separating and putting into baggies but laundry detergent. Apparently Levi runs a Washing Hut so the young Amish kids can was their English clothes (remember the Amish refer to us regular folks as the English). He charges them $10 a load. I wonder if that includes drying. Levi assigned Crazy Dave to oversee these. Remember Crazy Dave? He is the recovering alcoholic that Alan pushed into drinking again. Well he is still drinking. In fact at one point in the episode, Levi had to get him because he was told Crazy Dave was passed out on the side of the road drunk in his buggy. Being sick and tired of Crazy Dave, Levi takes him to an “extreme” Amish rehab center. I know. It sounds amazing. At this center, told by other Amish Mafia cast members, people are made to sit in a room and read the bible all day to push in scripture and push out demons. Brilliant. They said sometimes someone goes there and they are never heard from again. I don’t know whose job it is to run this. They said the people there have no medical training and they just trust in God to heal people. I like how when people were talking about it the name of the center was bleeped out. How come? Why can’t I know where/what this place is?

Marriage was a topic of this episode. Esther’s family thinks she needs to get married because she is old (27 I believe) and they would like her to marry Levi. I say do it. She can’t marry just any Amish guy. She needs someone that has money and isn’t afraid to leave Lancaster on a plane (remember he flew her to Florida?). But, she won’t hear of it. She doesn’t want to marry Levi because he’s a “bad person”. She can get over that I think. People also want Levi to marry their daughters. He said he gets invited to random houses to look at them and gets food while he is there. Sounds like a good deal. He said he tries to avoid it but he knows one day he will have to get married. He also said Amish girls are boring. At the house he was at for this episode the girl said she got a black horse for her birthday and Levi said good for you. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? It seems that dating is run by the parents and girls are married off by time they are about 19 to random guys. Alan said there is no divorce so that’s why there is so much spousal abuse. Isn’t that nice? Amish girls have so much to look forward to from 19 (or younger) until they die.

Poor Levi, who is in the construction business among other things, is losing out to the Mennonite workers because they put in lower bids. I see a parallel in the real world here. He wants to send Alvin out to do something about this but because of his previous arrest Alvin can’t drive. I wonder if that means he can’t drive anything (i.e. cars and buggies). So Levi and Alvin go to a location to talk to one these people hiring Mennonites and Levi decides on a new plan of action. Another problem for Levi to solve is that someone is taking pictures of the Amish and publishing them somewhere. Levi said he needs to protect the religious freedoms of his people so he sends Caleb to take care of it. When Caleb finds the guy, he breaks his camera and tells him to stay away.

I really think Esther is my favorite person in the cast. It looks like this season is going to be tough on her. While at a sewing circle, an Amish woman says her brother-in-law went to the government for help since has been having heart problems. Esther asked why he didn’t go to Levi or her brother John for help since they are not supposed to take things outside the community. The woman said because everyone knows they have “the devil in them” and if Esther isn’t careful she will be next. Is that a threat or just amazingness? Esther is also worried about John spending too much time with their brother, Freeman. John is starting to act weird just like him.

Merlin is actively recruiting Alan (The Black Amishman) since he is having problems with Levi as well. Merlin tells Alan that Levi is too lazy to burn his trash like the Amish do so he found all these receipts and information about Levi’s dealings. Like that Levi has been selling maple syrup outside of the community meaning he is not paying into the Amish Aid Fund that supports the Amish people. To stop this, Merlin got his henchman, Wayne, to cut down the maple trees. Of course, Merlin was there in background reading bible verses aloud. Speaking of marriage, Merlin has a new girl, Martha, whom he took out on a picnic. Even during that he was reading the bible to her. Merlin has his own community problems. They caught someone running an illegal bed & breakfast. Well, when I say caught, I mean Wayne confirmed it and arranged to keep quiet for a cut of the profits. I would like to stay in an Amish B&B just to see what it would be like.

The Return of Jolin. He would be my 3rd favorite, behind Esther and Levi. I’m glad he is involved again. Levi picked him to talk to the Mennonites, since Jolin is one, about the construction while offering him Paradise. Paradise is area that Levi controls. Jolin talked to the people, with his microphone turned off, struck a deal, and decided to take Levi’s offer. Oh did I mention that Big Steve is missing and his house ransacked? I know I really didn’t care either but I thought I would mention it.

Looks like Alan Beiler was sentenced just in time for the premiere of Amish Mafia (Season 2).

I was disappointed in the last 2 episodes of Catfish with one being full of truth and the other being unfairly mean.  This week, I was entertained by the fact that the catfisher took out her glass eye on camera and the catfishee looked like he was going to explode with anger at points.  We need more like this.


In other news, Amish Mafia is coming back next week.  Hopefully I can watch in online somehow since I don’t have cable tv.  So exciting.

Amish Mafia Legal News

I just found these articles.  I’m glad I found the one because I was wondering how old these people were.  Just talking about their criminal records and Alvin’s recent arrest.  How do you expect them to be Amish mobsters if they don’t have criminal records?


A brunette's babble

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