Tag Archive: Lebanon Levi


I’m so sad that this is the end of this season already.  I don’t know how long it will take to find out when season 3 is going to be.  I assume they will do the same thing as last time (i.e. do a special to announce a new season in a few months). But can I just make a comment that I noticed?  It is the end of the series and again the black Amish guy goes to jail.  It’s getting to be like how Kenny used to get killed at the end of every South Park episode.

Well it is time for a meeting.  Levi is going to finally meet with the bishop to find out what the issues are.  I love how Levi is wearing his orange shirt and his cell phone has orange trim.  That is a bit too much even for me.  I do really like orange especially orange and black.  Levi has Alvin standing by with a buggy because Levi doesn’t want to offend the bishop by driving up in his car.  That is nice though.  Alvin said the only person he fears more than Levi is the bishop.  It makes me think of the Monty Python sketch with Terry Jones as the Bishop.

The Bishop’s house looks really nice.  How is that fair?  I guess when you are in charge you have to have nice things even when you are in the Amish community.  The Bishop asks Levi what he has to confess.  You know that is bad.  I love how the church can just come in and take you down.  Shunning seems to be the worst thing they can do to you.  If I was shunned I think that would be great.  I’d just leave and go into the English world and not worry about anyone back in the community.  The bishop said that Vanity is Levi’s problem.  Using his businesses and not giving back to the community.  Levi wants to know who told him these things because they are not true.  He won’t tell him but Levi knows it’s Alan.  So the bishop says the biggest problem Levi has is Caleb and if he handles him then he will “be right with God”.  Alvin said they have been there for hours.  So you know he probably talked him up and down.

Levi wants to meet his boys (Jolin and Alvin) in the middle of a corn field.  He tells them about how Alan has been talking to the bishop.  He didn’t mention Caleb though.  Later, Levi rolls by to see Caleb in his truck with the bishop’s daughter.  Uh oh.  Levi meets with the boys and says Caleb is screwing the bishop’s daughter and we need to put a stop to it.  Sounds like very bad news for frat boy Caleb.  Jolin (Joey) is always a good boy.  The producer asked if he thought Levi did what the bishop accused him of.  And Jolin said it’s none of my business or yours.  See Joey needs to start the Mennonite Mafia spinoff.  I’d like to see how they live differently than the Amish.

Something that really annoyed me was that Levi does fundraisers.  He did an appearance at a local library and hired bikers as security.  He’s doing autographs, hugging, and kissing people.  This is BS.  I live way out in Kansas so I don’t get to meet Levi.  Levi isn’t coming out here to do visits.  He said the Amish and English use the libraries.  But if you watched it, you may notice that the event was all English people buying t-shirts and bumper stickers about Lebanon Levi.  What do I get?

Some woman told Esther that everyone has seen the bible in front of Levi’s door.  Now that she got rid of her family to align with him, he is bringing her good name down if he gets shunned.  That’s not what Esther wanted.  Esther has to confront Levi about the bible on his door.  He said he is taking care of the problem and she said she will use gossip to take care of things.  She was at a sewing circle with 2 other girls.  She brought up how Alan was telling lies to the bishop about Levi.  One girl said Alan brings his English girl around and she is not dressed decently.  I wonder what an English person can wear around the Amish to be thought of as ok.  Can I wear my t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers?  Is that not acceptable?  I really should find a way to live with the Amish for a period of time just to see what it is like and blog about it.  I wonder if it would make me lose or gain weight.  They work hard but they eat a lot of food as well.

Merlin and Alan are still in Kentucky.  Unbelievable.  Alan, Merlin, and Paul are in a buggy on the way to the Kentucky settlement.  Paul says his people are not afraid of anyone.  Paul and Alan keep giving each other looks. You know they don’t trust each other.  Paul decides to show them his hut.  Alan thinks well I know about making money on huts be he looked in and said he wasn’t going in there.  Merlin said he was surprised but he wasn’t going to judge Paul because he needs his help.  Merlin went in and was looking really closely at the wall.  Cameras were not allowed in but it looked like there were magazine pictures up on the wall.  I’m not certain it is just my guess.  I can’t imagine what else it would be though.

Alan is not happy there and just wants to go home in part to see what is happening to Levi.  Merlin tried to give Alan a life lesson by telling a family story.  The moral of the story was that you don’t know the motives of people.  Then, they see the Kentucky people are loading up a van with pick axes and other weapons.  Merlin said that Kentucky mob is a holy army.  That is not good.  Merlin, Alan, and Paul join up to come after Levi.  The producer said to Levi what are you going to do?  They have weapons. Levi said do you think they are going to shoot me? I just laughed because you could see the smile on Levi’s face.  When I saw it I said out loud: They got tons of guns.  Joey probably has an arsenal at his hunting lodge.

Wayne finds out that an Amish family has moved into an English house with electricity and everything for the past year.  Wayne has to tell this guy no.  The guy said he is there because it is more comfortable for his family.  Really? You’re Amish bruv; you can’t live that way.  Wayne told him you can leave or stay and watch.  Wayne just trashed his place.  All of this is to show the bishop that he has his values.

Wayne is going to repo some animals from a guy that isn’t taking care of them.  They start talking about how some guys sexually abuse their animals, how wrong that is, and that is an automatic banishment from the community.  They talk about how animals are very important to the community from food to transportation.  Then they show a headline that says “Two Amish men charged with incest and bestiality” and they said it involved a cow and horse.  I found the article here from 2010. They keep talking about how bad this is.  I’m not sure if that is the issues of why Wayne is taking the animals.

As I was watching the introduction to them showing the Kentucky story, I realized the cows had tags on their ears.  The thought popped into my head that they probably buy these animals at auctions open to the public.  So in theory their animals have more genetic diversity they the Amish people do.  I say this because they only marry each other and they are probably all distantly (or not so distantly related).

Wayne has staged a coup to gain control over the Ohio Amish community.  He finally got his official blessing from the bishop (this isn’t the same one that is dealing with Levi) to collect for Amish Aid.  I wonder what will happen when Merlin gets back.  How many crime shows/movies do you need to see to know how this would end up?  A boss becomes obsessed with one issue, he takes his eyes off of everything else, and new guy comes in with new ideas and takes over.

Let me get this straight, Big Steve is driving a buggy tour to make money and Levi stops him on the side of the road to talk to him.  How do I get booked on this tour with a guaranteed sighting of Levi?  They are speaking in Dutch so the people don’t know what is being said but they know who they are.  After the tour is over, Big Steve is talking to the cameras and sees an Amish person in a buggy approaching.  He runs into the corn fields to hide until he’s gone because he’s not supposed to be working for Levi and he doesn’t want people to know.  Big Steve said he would do anything for Levi.

Big Steve is damaging the cars in the parking area Alan runs.  So these kids go on Rumspringa and they can afford to get cars? How do they get money for a car? Alan said Amish people don’t have table manners.  The cameras show Big Steve eating a whole little chicken with the stuff all in his face.  Joey said Big Steve eats like a farm animal.  I couldn’t even watch it.  Jesus doesn’t eat like that.

As said earlier, Alan goes back to jail.  I did feel bad for him while he was in Kentucky.  All I was thinking was:  he’s from Pennsylvania and he’s black.  Runaway Alan! Alan gets a summons to go to court.  He said he knows Levi is behind it.  We see the English woman he’s got.  Well her face is blurred so not really.  He gets 3 months in jail and 23 months of supervision. Merlin gets interviewed outside the court house to talk about Alan and say that Levi is the real problem.  Alan is complaining that Levi is the bigger criminal than him but if he ever saw a mob movie, he would know that the top guy never gets caught until everyone else does.

Caleb was a pretty important factor this week.  Throughout the episode he was out gallivanting with the bishop’s daughter.  He was saying if they get caught it could be a problem for both of them.  If that is true, then why take her all around town in your truck?  Didn’t they do a whole segment on how gossip works in the Amish community?  Caleb didn’t think that will apply to him?  He’s annoying anyway.  Levi did send him to do some work this week.  Caleb is sent to repo a tractor that has been on loan for months.  Caleb said he has been hotwiring tractors and cars since he was 13.  So they cut to Steven Breit (Criminal Defense Attorney, Lancaster PA) talking about his police record bring up the bullet holes in his truck again.  The guy caught him taking the tractor.  He pushed Caleb and Caleb decked him.

Towards the end of the episode, Caleb goes to Levi’s office.  He thinks they are happy because of the job he did on the tractor.  Levi said we are going for a ride.  If Caleb was smart he would know that was a clue that things are bad.  I’m sure every mob movie has that type of line in it.   Caleb, Joey, Alvin, and Levi get into the car.  Caleb goes towards the driver seat and Joey said I’ll drive.  They don’t say where they are going.  They pull up to some barn I guess.  Caleb, Alvin, and Joey get out of the car and towards the structure.  Joey goes in there with a baseball bat of course because he is the enforcer.  You know how you know he is the enforcer?  Joey has the shades down and holding the bat slightly behind him to sort of hide it from Caleb.  He’s a professional.  Levi stays in the car and says Caleb had potential and he didn’t want it to be like this.  This is how they end it.  Now we have to wonder what happened to Caleb.  I hope they really beat him up bad because I just don’t like him.

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Poor Esther, she has to drop her entire family for standing in the community.  When Esther tells Levi that John is upset over Freeman being sent away, Levi says John needs to go too.  How is that fair? Esther brought Levi a homemade pie.  Continuing with the cooking theme, how ruthless is Esther to cook a nice meal for John before Alvin, Jolin, and Caleb come in and tell him he is going to be sent back to his family in North Dakota?  I don’t like how all the food is just on the table.  Is there not a counter?  I don’t want my dinner and dessert on the table at the same time.  John looks pissed and Esther just sits there nervous.  John challenging Joey (Jolin)? Yeah right John.  We all know how tough Joey is.  He’s a Fighta!  After all is done, Esther goes to see Levi sans pie.  She just said in the car on the way over to Levi’s house that she is the last Schumucker in Paradise (meaning the town/city of Paradise, PA).  Why is she in a car that she is not driving? They get drivers now?  Of course she is not alright Levi.  You stole away her family.

So Esther, the real story teller in this show, said one thing the bishops see as a huge problem is the women gossiping?!  I’m sure that is the least of their problems when 2 Amish mafia members say they have been sexually abused by Amish men.  That is probably a bigger problem.  Amish church is 4 hours long and men and women sit on opposite sides.  Esther said it is like sitting in between 2 girls that smell like they just crawled out of a pile of manure.  Isn’t that bad?  Shouldn’t you wash and be clean when you are going to church?  Even though they just have them in someone’s house doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be clean.

Merlin is still in South Dakota and I love how he thinks he can go around making his own ordnungs whenever he likes.  Ordnung, according to Wikipedia, means order, discipline, rule, arrangement, organization, or system in German. Production did a good job making Merlin’s rantings about how the Amish need to return to their humble beginning like a Hitler type speech.  So apparently there is an Amish Ordnung, in an Ohio group, that says they can only bathe once a week because doing so more than that could promote impure thoughts and actions.  That makes sense to me.

Merlin meets up with the Kentucky Amish.  Wow the southern Amish group is more conservative surprise surprise.  Merlin is trying to get an invite to meet Paul, the mob leader of Kentucky Amish.  Now he wants to take Alan with him (you know he’s black right?).  The Kentucky Amish looks just like backwoods would be.  Merlin said washing feet is a church thing.  Paul wants Merlin to wash his feet to show he is humble and then they can work together to punish Levi.  I can’t believe it takes so many people to take down Lebanon Levi.  Alan is beside himself about this.  Alan said these guys are so disgusting and he can’t believe Merlin lowered his standards to do this.  He said if Jesus came to Kentucky he would think twice before washing Paul’s feet.  I agree.  How old is Jesus nowadays?  Hasn’t he earned the right not to have to wash any more feet?

I must say I don’t usually like Alan.  There is something too slick about him.  But him having to go to Kentucky was just too much.  As most people in America knows, the further south you go the less they like African Americans.  Even though the amount of African Americans increase as you go southeast.  It’s an amazing thing.  Some other time I should do a post about my theories on that.  Maybe tomorrow.  Anyway, Alan looks weird in a buggy.  He is going to the bishop to tell on Caleb who is “seeing” the bishop’s daughter.  That is a huge problem remember because Caleb, besides being sleazy, is Brethren and that not Amish (see previous posts).  The bishop is obviously shocked and wants to know y Levi didn’t tell him.  The bishop wants to see Levi today but of course Alan isn’t going to say anything to Levi.  Alan said Levi thought it was just a chicken coop that Levi had destroyed but “it’s a fuckin’ blood bath”.  Perfect.

Alan knows that if something happens to Levi that people will look at him.  So that makes him nervous.  Probably not as nervous as going to backwoods Kentucky.  Paul said they are very strict and no one is allowed to have/use cell phones.  Alan said he needs his cell phone.  Who is calling Alan?  These people look so dirty.  It’s like they never wash their clothes and they are just sitting in the dirt.  Has anyone noticed how many Amish groups are willing to be on TV now all over the country?  Paul is trying to say that they are strict and real Amish but they are ok with being on TV?

Wayne gets into a fight with one of his workers.  It was amazing.  It is like a duel.  Field fights.  In a ring of hay and people are taking bets.  Wayne won and he said now he is my bitch and he will always be my bitch.  He told him to go home to his mother.  (That’s what the Bride said in Kill Bill to the last Crazy 88 member she fought because he was just a kid.)  I included the video below in case you forgot that fight (the part I’m talking about starts at 6:25).

Wayne is going to throw Merlin under the bus.  He is telling church people that Merlin ran off with the Amish Aid leaving them all broke.  Wayne promised to get it back for them to earn their trust for him to basically take over from Merlin.  It is very clever.  I don’t know what will happen when Merlin gets back.

I wonder if there are a lot of little people in the Amish communities and how they feel about it.  Since they are so religious, I wonder if it is seen as a punishment from God or something.

Merlin is going to be painted just like the “Amish Madoff” Monroe Beachy. He stole around $17 million dollars from Amish people in 29 states.  He is 71 yr. old and got 6.5 yrs. in prison.  I didn’t hear about this.

Joey’s got a gun range set up as his “office” where the people of Paradise can come see him. Levi and Alvin go to visit Jolin to tell him about the problems Levi is having with the church and that they are not doing well financially.  So he asks Jolin to put together a hut party to earn some extra money. No one comes to the hut party.  Just one guy is playing an arcade game and asking where the girls are.  Joey is concerned that the people who don’t follow the rules are not even at the party meaning the church has a real problem with Levi.

The church is telling people not pay Levi.  That is not good.  Alvin tears up the candy shop of the guy that was refusing to pay.  Whoa, the church is taking all Lev’s stuff.  It’s going to be auctioned off.  Wait what?  The auctions are open to the public i.e. I can go there and buy Levi’s stuff.  They are selling his guns, clothes, and his horse shoes.  That is a range of merchandise.  Joey is looking for Levi.  Joey goes to the house to see that it is empty.  What happened to that woman cleaning up for him last week? Does she not live there? Was she just some random skank?  Joey calls to tell him, yo boy the stuff in your house been jacked lol.  That’s not what he said but that’s what he meant.  Levi gets to the auction and has a stare down with the bishop and left.  There is nothing you can do to stop the auction.

Levi finally gets home and there is a bible outside his door.  They said that this is done right before people get shunned and a bible verse is highlighted to explain to the recipient why they are in trouble with the church.  What bible verse was chosen for Levi?

Matthew 16:26

“For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

How perfect.  I wonder if they have an index of bible verses and the sins they represent.

Season finale next week?  What the hell?  It just started.

Looks like I had my episode numbers mixed up before but we are back on track now.  I had to check the Discovery website.  And FYI this commentary is in my own personal order, not necessarily the order shown on the show.

I love the beginning of this where they have a slow-mo of Alvin walking away from a buggy he just blew up.  He’s like a real hardcore gangster.  For my birthday next year, I want to blow up a buggy and do a slow-mo walk away.  At one point, Alvin was told to stop an English man from selling fake Amish quilts so he puts hog urine on them.  How do you get animal urine in a jug?  I don’t live on a farm so I don’t know.  I do know people who have lived on a farm so I’ll have to ask.  Another task for Alvin: Track down the Amish man peeping in English women’s windows.  Now, this is the one crime I never understand.  I could see if you put a hidden camera in someone’s house to “peep” at them but the real question is why are you (the women) getting undressed with the curtains/blinds open?  What do you expect people to do?

Levi’s vain.  That’s what they say.  I hope people watch this and see how religious beliefs are used to control people.  The Church told them not to pay Levi and they won’t because they could be shunned.  This signals impending doom for Levi from the Church.  As a side note, who is that woman cleaning Levi’s house in the background? Mother? Sister? Random woman?  Oh no another guy gunning for Levi?  I don’t know if I can take it.  That is what they leave me with at the end of the episode.  The world is just not looking good for Levi right now.

But some good news, the issues with Freeman have come to an end for now.  Spreading rumors about Freeman was genius.  Let the fear do the work for you.  Poor Esther has to clean up what Jolin put on her house (devil drawings lol).  Levi is so proud of himself that Esther may “have no choice but to run to him” after Freeman and John are gone.  And boy did she run to him, right in his face.  All the curse words she said is just great entertainment.  That is why I am on Team Esther.  Freeman is taken away in a white van.   Esther is crying but I don’t think she is that upset.  I know that if she could be in charge of things she would have gotten rid of her brothers long ago because they are weak.  She just needs a guy she can control or manipulate.  John freaks out that “Levi” put Freeman away.  He is looking for his gun.  Why does John look like the drugged out family member that is always in a rage?  Where is the rest of the family when dealing with Freeman?  Why is it all put on Esther to control?

Is anyone else confused why Jolin has a beard when I’m guessing he is not married? Unless Mennonites don’t have that same rule.  I wonder if every Amish man gets married.  Who is going to marry Alvin and John when they don’t really work for themselves or have any real standing in the community.  I’m sure some skanky Amish girl will marry Caleb.  He is so annoying that I hate to mention him.  He is like a frat boy or something.

So what circumstances occurred with Merlin that he needed to seek treatment?  I hate when people say that.  Was there an Amish intervention?  Rosa, Merlin’s sister, was shunned?  I’m going to start shunning people.  Just random people I don’t like.  I’m going to find the German word for shun and just say that to people.  I didn’t know there were Amish people in South Dakota.  I went to a Mennonite run restaurant in Kansas, maybe the Amish are everywhere.

Merlin goes to a “Healing Center” so I assume they don’t have to pay for this.  Why is ok for Merlin to smoke?  Isn’t that bad in some way?  I would think any type of stimulant would be forbidden.  I’m pretty sure that is what the Mormons do.  Now, what is the need to have “The Water Cleanse” for Merlin?  If he fully cleansed himself there wouldn’t be anything left.  Eww, he’s grossly thin.  Please put your Amish clothes back on.  Maybe he needs extra cleansing because his boy Wayne threw animal waste at him.  How does Merlin respond?  By jumping on Wayne’s buggy, that’s how.  Priceless.  Wayne is fed up with Merlin and wants to start his own group.  How many families does a good mafia organization have?  Oh no, a tree poisoning. I love Amish Mafia because they do these old fashioned ways to sabotage someone.

Alan is just super shady.  Of course he has done “special favors” for a bishop.  He has no problem telling on Levi to the bishop.  My big question is why do they care so much about Caleb (Brethren) and not Jolin (Mennonite)?  The bishop wants Caleb watched because he is an outsider.  I suppose in the eyes of the Amish Church, Brethren are less than or equal to Mennonite but definitely less than Amish (see below for equation form for clarification).

Brethren ≤Mennonite ≪Amish

After all the yelling from Esther, Levi asks her to go with him to the Ascension Day celebration.  Read some about Ascension Day on Wikipedia. Esther says yes of course because she still knows how to work the system to her advantage.  All she needs is to look respectable by being by Levi’s side to do what she wants and live the life she wants.  I’m sure she can control Levi.  Levi is just like a politician going out on holiday events shaking hands.  Pig races on a religious holiday that seems strange and a tug of war between Caleb and Jolin.  You know Jolin won because Joey is a fighta.  That’s right I called Jolin, Joey.

Right away I get to see episode 2. At the moment, no cable in order to save some money so watching these takes some extra work. But, how could I let myself miss Amish Mafia?

Jolin gets his own territory, Paradise, from Levi to run which means he gets to collect the protection money for the Amish Aid Fund. Jolin says that the Amish there are weird and Levi warned him that rumor has it that the Devil is in town. That doesn’t sound very friendly. This poor woman who runs a restaurant in Paradise goes to Levi for help. She said a strange man comes in and just stares at people. He is scaring away the customers and she wants Levi to get rid of him. Of course this is now a Jolin problem. When he gets to the diner who does he see? It’s Freeman staring off into space. Jolin tells him to quit going there and that he is not scared of him. Freeman just stares at him while Jolin is talking. I can see Freeman trying not to smile though. And he slightly nods his head. I think that means it’s on. Soon more and more places are being vandalized. Yep, it’s Freeman causing trouble for Jolin. As if Jolin doesn’t have enough problems in Paradise. Guess what? Esther just happens to have a quilt shop there i.e. she owes them protection money. However, she refuses to pay it and especially to hand it over to Jolin. She said Levi should come ask for it. She never was asked to pay before so she calls Levi on her cellphone. Apparently she wants to talk to him about other things as well. Levi visits Esther. She is trying to be nice to him. I think she wants to marry him for the power and standing in the community. She said she wants to make things right. I don’t think so. Levi said he still wants her but an apology is not enough. That’s crazy. He should just marry her and we could have an Amish Mafia wedding.

As mentioned in the previous episode, people want Esther to get married. To continue this theme, an old female friend of the family / church elder came to see Esther. Esther needs to find a good Amish man so she can stay as a good person in the eyes of the community. Esther said women are judged by the reputation of their men. She assured the woman that she will do that. See, there is a plan but who is the one she is going to target? I feel bad for Esther having to deal with Freeman. John had recently picked him up from jail and I would laugh if we find out that Esther called the cops on him. She is not happy to have him around and is afraid his actions will come back on her and the family. In case you forgot, Freeman was shunned and banished from the community for pulling a knife on his parents, plus they think he is possessed by the demons.

Referring back to the last episode when I was hoodwinked into thinking Crazy Dave was selling drugs but it was really laundry detergent, this episode has real drug use. First being when a couple comes to Levi to say their daughter (I’m guessing) is hopped up on mushrooms and hallucinating. She said she thought she saw the devil. They told Levi someone is growing and selling these mushrooms to kids. He told them to give the girl some water and she should be fine. How does he know? I don’t do drugs so I don’t know if that makes sense or not. After finding the drugs on someone’s farm, Alvin eats a mushroom to show Levi he is loyal. They had to make sure it was a hallucinogenic one. The TV people made it look like a music video with Alvin talking to a tree and looking slightly weirder than he usually does. Next, Caleb and Alvin go back to the site and put baking soda on the mushrooms. Baking soda kills magic mushrooms. Remember that.

Looks like Merlin (Ohio Mafia boss) has the same type of problems as Levi (Lancaster Mafia boss). Someone goes to Merlin saying that a chiropractor (possibly untrained) mishandled him and made his back pain worse. Now he can’t work. Not wanting his people to be taken advantage of, Merlin sends Wayne to wreck the office as a message. Oh and jump to an Amish funeral who was a friend of Merlin’s. People are put in pine caskets that are transported in a long buggy. Isn’t that interesting? I never thought about Amish funerals. I love this concept of white death and black death. If you are a “doomed soul” you have to be buried in black. Tattoos, piercings, or the church doesn’t like you – black death. At the funeral, Wayne and Merlin leave and the cameras lose them. They hear them on the microphones and they run to find them. I like how they are trying to make it look like they are just watching from a distance. Wayne wants his money now from helping him become un-shunned. Merlin said he knew him since Wayne was a little kid. I assumed that Wayne was way older than Merlin. Maybe because Wayne is a little person, he looks old? I don’t know how that works.

Merlin wants Alan to do a hut party for him to make money. He gave him lots of money to make it way better than Levi’s parties. I love how Merlin is so bible focused but wants to have a party with drugs and such. We learned a new phrase from Esther today: Hut Sluts – girls that go around from hut to hut to sleep with Amish men. That is the best saying ever. I’m going to use that in everyday life. Jolin learns about the party and goes to see what is going on. Drugs, Nitrous Oxide, and girls (Amish & English) dancing on tables. Merlin says when you have $100 for admissions you know there are going to be whores there. Jolin tells Levi of the type of party going on. Jolin, a genius, puts skunk scent in the vents and the place clears out within 15 min. Repairman said they may need to replace all the air ducts to get rid of the smell. Alan said this will wipe him out financially and take out all the profits from the party.

Alan needs money so he is selling dandelion wine and selling bets on dice and card games. He is even running a parking garage for Amish kids who have cars and need to keep it somewhere. Turns out that Big Steve was beat up by “The Black Amishman”. He was hiding to protect his family and that is why Levi could not find him. On a completely related note, Alan helps with his father’s chicken business and we see how much he likes to do that (foreshadowing feeling here). To get back at Alan for the Big Steve beating, Alvin and Jolin steal the chickens and knock down the coop. Alan knows Levi did the damage and feels like Levi messed with his family so now it’s personal.

The Amish cast shows they are really Amish by saying they are in The Fisher Book. It is a listing of all the people in the Amish community and who they are related to. Do people really care if they are Amish or not? I’m kind of surprised it is typed up and not written by hand. I guess it is a good tool since they are so isolated and they need to know how closely related people are before they start marrying.

As I said before I watched the special and first 2 episodes at once so I will be an episode behind on these commentaries.

The Special

Just a recap show but I needed it because it feels like it has been so long since I’ve seen this. Oh, I like how they said people were punished and/or targeted for participating in the show. I was starting to wonder if the church elders were alright with this show. It seems like everyone got fatter since the last time I saw them especially Alan. I don’t know maybe it is just me thinking it.

Episode 1

Oh No! Drugs!? So my first question in this episode was why are they using credit cards to divide up the drugs? Amish people just have cards lying around? But later on we find out that it isn’t drugs they are separating and putting into baggies but laundry detergent. Apparently Levi runs a Washing Hut so the young Amish kids can was their English clothes (remember the Amish refer to us regular folks as the English). He charges them $10 a load. I wonder if that includes drying. Levi assigned Crazy Dave to oversee these. Remember Crazy Dave? He is the recovering alcoholic that Alan pushed into drinking again. Well he is still drinking. In fact at one point in the episode, Levi had to get him because he was told Crazy Dave was passed out on the side of the road drunk in his buggy. Being sick and tired of Crazy Dave, Levi takes him to an “extreme” Amish rehab center. I know. It sounds amazing. At this center, told by other Amish Mafia cast members, people are made to sit in a room and read the bible all day to push in scripture and push out demons. Brilliant. They said sometimes someone goes there and they are never heard from again. I don’t know whose job it is to run this. They said the people there have no medical training and they just trust in God to heal people. I like how when people were talking about it the name of the center was bleeped out. How come? Why can’t I know where/what this place is?

Marriage was a topic of this episode. Esther’s family thinks she needs to get married because she is old (27 I believe) and they would like her to marry Levi. I say do it. She can’t marry just any Amish guy. She needs someone that has money and isn’t afraid to leave Lancaster on a plane (remember he flew her to Florida?). But, she won’t hear of it. She doesn’t want to marry Levi because he’s a “bad person”. She can get over that I think. People also want Levi to marry their daughters. He said he gets invited to random houses to look at them and gets food while he is there. Sounds like a good deal. He said he tries to avoid it but he knows one day he will have to get married. He also said Amish girls are boring. At the house he was at for this episode the girl said she got a black horse for her birthday and Levi said good for you. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? It seems that dating is run by the parents and girls are married off by time they are about 19 to random guys. Alan said there is no divorce so that’s why there is so much spousal abuse. Isn’t that nice? Amish girls have so much to look forward to from 19 (or younger) until they die.

Poor Levi, who is in the construction business among other things, is losing out to the Mennonite workers because they put in lower bids. I see a parallel in the real world here. He wants to send Alvin out to do something about this but because of his previous arrest Alvin can’t drive. I wonder if that means he can’t drive anything (i.e. cars and buggies). So Levi and Alvin go to a location to talk to one these people hiring Mennonites and Levi decides on a new plan of action. Another problem for Levi to solve is that someone is taking pictures of the Amish and publishing them somewhere. Levi said he needs to protect the religious freedoms of his people so he sends Caleb to take care of it. When Caleb finds the guy, he breaks his camera and tells him to stay away.

I really think Esther is my favorite person in the cast. It looks like this season is going to be tough on her. While at a sewing circle, an Amish woman says her brother-in-law went to the government for help since has been having heart problems. Esther asked why he didn’t go to Levi or her brother John for help since they are not supposed to take things outside the community. The woman said because everyone knows they have “the devil in them” and if Esther isn’t careful she will be next. Is that a threat or just amazingness? Esther is also worried about John spending too much time with their brother, Freeman. John is starting to act weird just like him.

Merlin is actively recruiting Alan (The Black Amishman) since he is having problems with Levi as well. Merlin tells Alan that Levi is too lazy to burn his trash like the Amish do so he found all these receipts and information about Levi’s dealings. Like that Levi has been selling maple syrup outside of the community meaning he is not paying into the Amish Aid Fund that supports the Amish people. To stop this, Merlin got his henchman, Wayne, to cut down the maple trees. Of course, Merlin was there in background reading bible verses aloud. Speaking of marriage, Merlin has a new girl, Martha, whom he took out on a picnic. Even during that he was reading the bible to her. Merlin has his own community problems. They caught someone running an illegal bed & breakfast. Well, when I say caught, I mean Wayne confirmed it and arranged to keep quiet for a cut of the profits. I would like to stay in an Amish B&B just to see what it would be like.

The Return of Jolin. He would be my 3rd favorite, behind Esther and Levi. I’m glad he is involved again. Levi picked him to talk to the Mennonites, since Jolin is one, about the construction while offering him Paradise. Paradise is area that Levi controls. Jolin talked to the people, with his microphone turned off, struck a deal, and decided to take Levi’s offer. Oh did I mention that Big Steve is missing and his house ransacked? I know I really didn’t care either but I thought I would mention it.

Amish Mafia Legal News

I just found these articles.  I’m glad I found the one because I was wondering how old these people were.  Just talking about their criminal records and Alvin’s recent arrest.  How do you expect them to be Amish mobsters if they don’t have criminal records?

Let me start off by saying how great this show was. Two hours of Amish Mafia Madness.

I explained to a coworker the next day about how I watched this. I was sitting at the table with my computer with my eyes on the TV taking notes. In the commercial breaks, I was eating my dinner. Yes, this was a serious assignment that resulted in just over 2 pages of notes in MS Word. I also read that the show was going to be renewed for another season. I don’t know what I would do if it wasn’t. I decided to break this into sections of the main characters. I hope the people reading this actually watch or never plan to watch. I try to add a good amount of detail. Another coworker said to me she was surprised how much detail I remember from these shows I tell them about. I told her I’m not even paying that close of attention. Most of the time I’m on the internet and/or eating while I am watching these things. Maybe that is what makes me a good scientist. Technically, I am an analytical chemist which means I like to take things apart and analyze them. That’s probably what this whole website is about but I veered away from the important topic, Amish Mafia.

This special peppered in facts about Amish life like what they typically eat, how they prepare for the winter, and Amish activities. I think it was good because we all want to know or else we wouldn’t be watching this show. The funniest one was about people having sex with sheep. Lol. They showed a guy that someone may have caught with a sheep. So now everyone calls him “Steeeve”. I figured that’s the kind of thing that happened on farms. I don’t know why it is always sheep though.

 

Levi & Alvin

They introduced a new character, Caleb. Caleb is part of the Brethren which is related to Amish but they are allowed to drive cars and such. I looked it up but it seems there are different types of those as well. He was trying to join Levi’s group. When the camera crew was interviewing Caleb he was showing off the bullet holes in his truck and talking about how many women have been in the backseat. I’m sure we all know people who are like that. I immediately didn’t like him. I think Levi was not too impressed either especially when he found out that he only speaks enough Dutch to get by. The Amish use that as their language to speak with each other and Caleb said his family usually speaks English. Levi said since the guy has experience selling and training horses he could be useful so he gave him the task of getting a horse that was taken from an Amish man by an English man ( I think I have said before that the Amish call all non-Amish people English). Caleb goes to repo the horse at night, he was spotted, and he ran away. Can you believe it? All that talk about bullet holes and he ran away from this. When he goes to tell Levi, Levi is not happy. Caleb said I heard a noise and I got out of there. Levi says but you got the horse right? Nope he was too scared. So that meant that Levi had to go get the horse himself and he wouldn’t let the cameras go along. Even when they asked what he did, Levi wouldn’t say how.

Another new person is Crazy Dave. Levi picked him up from “Amish Rehab”. He’s a drunk and is going to work for Levi. Of course, Levi has this guy running his hut parties. This is a party Levi hosts to make money and give the youngins a place to party while still in the community. I like that he picks the drunk to do this. Dave is all about how he’s cured and he should be fine. But what happens when Alan comes to see him? Alan buys him a drink. Dave accepts after a few declines. Oops, I guess Amish Rehab didn’t work. Dave is on an all-night drinking spree going into the hut party. And magically, Dave disappears after the party with Levi’s money. Once Levi finds him, he yells, and says don’t do it again. The producer said to Dave why didn’t you say Alan gave you drinks? Dave storms out in anger. We know why he didn’t say anything. Because if Levi hears that Alan was making him do something he is not going to trust Dave and he better be worried if that happens.

They mentioned the Sarasota (Pinecraft), Florida area as a party/winter getaway for the Amish. It turns out that a man borrowed money from Levi to take care of his sick wife but he decided to take the money and go to Florida instead. So, Levi sent Alvin down there to find the guy, get the money back, and make him come back to take care of his wife. Isn’t that nice? See Levi is trying to help people. Alvin went around in English clothes to find people who know this guy. Eventually he found someone that knew the guy, Alvin goes to the house, and kicks down the door. Ten minutes later, Alvin comes out to say the guy has until that night to get on the bus back to PA. I remember thinking isn’t that a long ways away? From PA to FL? Mapquest said it is about 1085 miles. As he is driving away, Alvin passes a cop car (foreshadowing). At the end of the episode, Alvin calls Levi to say he was arrested in Florida and he may be there awhile. The ending scene was the mug shot.

 

Alan

Alan “The Black Amish Man” is steady stalking Levi. He blames him for him getting arrested and is convinced that Levi called the cops which is against the Amish way. I love that Alan is going around town meeting with his friends and paying them to keep an eye on Levi. His comment that I semi-agreed with was when he said Levi has all weak people working for him. That’s why he can go and get Dave drunk. The weird part was when Alan visited a black preacher he met while in jail. The preacher asked if he is doing ok and staying out of trouble. He can’t say yes. Levi calls a meeting with Alan at one of his safe houses. Alan confronts him about calling the police. Levi said no and that Alan will not be able to take him down. Alan leaves feeling smug. Levi called someone saying “we are going to shut down the black Amish man”. Good, I’m sick of him. Uh oh, Alan is going to court, he has no idea why, and he thinks it’s because Levi. It better be.

 

Jolin

Poor Jolin. He’s out in his hunting cabin in central PA all by himself not doing anything. But, just in time for the show, he gets a called that a woman is trying to divorce her husband and she needs help. Jolin to the rescue! He arranges to meet the girl somewhere. What do we see? A girl running away with a guy on horseback trying to get her, Jolin jumps out, and gets her to the car. Jolin said he has a network of safe houses that he would put her in and he will be told if anyone comes around looking for her. She said her husband was abusive and he wouldn’t let her leave him. Of course in a religious society, divorce or leaving your husband is unacceptable.

 

Merlin

Merlin is going crazy religious now that he has been shunned from his community. No one can work with him since he has been shunned so no money coming in for him. He needs to get people to unshun him and he is using his sister, Rosa, and former employee Wayne to campaign for people to vote for him. Wayne is breaking mailboxes of people who are not convinced and Rosa is baking pies to win people over. Rosa looks so evil and of course she hates what Levi did to her brother. Wayne is a little person and I’m fascinated that he is Amish and little. He is only helping Merlin so he can make money and so he can get Merlin to owe him. In the meantime, Merlin is at the beard cutting sentencing.  Merlin finally gets his hearing at the church. The Amish has church in people’s homes. That’s crazy. Merlin said if the shun is not lifted he’s going to take it out on the county. I guess we will never know how because he is unshunned.

 

Esther & John

John is in North Dakota hiding out because Merlin has been shunned and he’s not making any money. Esther (his sister) is visiting John in ND as a surprise. I can’t believe he is on TV saying all the stuff he has (TV, electricity, etc.) like no one will find out. He has several brothers that live there. Including a younger brother named Freeman that was banished from the community in 2008. He pulled a knife on his parents. Esther said he may be possessed by the devil. Esther wants John to come home to help her fight Levi. John said he won’t come back without someone else to help him so he suggests Freeman. John is taking Esther to see Freeman in the dark. Of course he’s just sitting there with a smile on his face like he’s crazy. If he didn’t look crazy how would we know he is crazy? Esther said he needs a cleansing which is what Amish people call an exorcism. Now I was all excited about this part. Exorcisms are so graphic. But not this one, it was so dark you couldn’t see anything. They had a bishop pray over the kid and candles everywhere. She is unsure that it worked. I don’t know how you would know if it worked or not. Later in the night, Esther heard a noise in the barn and is going out to see what it is? This is what crazy people do, go check out strange noises in the dark. It’s Freeman in the barn! Weird. I don’t understand how Freeman said nothing the whole episode. I’d want to see the conversation of telling him he needs a cleansing. They all go back to Lancaster and on Feb. 7 John is picked up by the police. Esther is not happy about potentially being left with Freeman.

The only bad thing about the episode was no mention of when season 2 starts. I need to know so I am prepared.

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